Experience is everything

I often find myself looking at the behaviour of other humans with bewilderment.

OK. That’s not quite true.

I usually think, “What the fuck? Why did you do that? Are you a complete idiot?”

My conclusion is often, yes. They are complete idiots.

But what if they’re thinking the exact same thing about me?

We can’t all be idiots can we?

Our cleaner was at our house yesterday, as usual. And the day after she comes, I spend a frustrating albeit entertaining part of my day trying to find stuff that she’s tidied away.

She’s been working for us for over a decade now. Yet she’s still able to find new and original places to tidy stuff away. The exact same stuff that she has successfully put away in the ‘correct’ location many, many times before, often finds itself a new home.

Items can (apparently) be variously categorised by size, colour, use or proximity. And this categorisation (apparently) changes weekly.

I often find myself thinking, “Is she a total idiot?”

That’s a bit harsh.

She does a job that I don’t want to do. And she does it well. OK maybe not well. But at least adequately.

One of the challenges of her job, is that it requires her to be able to see clearly. You know, to be able to tell which dishes are clean and which are dirty for example.

And she is so long-sighted that she’s more or less clinically blind. It’s OK though - she has glasses to correct her eyesight.

But she refuses to wear them. She claims they make her look ugly.

She is 75 years old.

No one, not even her family cares what she looks like anymore. Those days are long gone. As they will be for all of us.

I don’t think this is too harsh a judgement.

So why does she still care what she looks like? Even when it hinders her ability to function day to day.

And even when, most of the time, no one can see her (she doesn’t even wear her glasses when she’s alone).

So I have to ask again, "Is she an idiot?"

Despite an overwhelming temptation to state the obvious, I don’t think she is.

The more pertinent question is:

“What has she experienced in the past to make her think this way?”

And maybe it’s the psychologist in me, but this question is so important.

To take another example: cyclists. Now they really are idiots.

First off, no one wears a helmet these days. Gotta protect the rizz.

50% of all cyclists also seem to ride one handed, with their eyes glued to the phone in their other hand. And of course they all have headphones in.

Not only that, red lights are totally ignored by cyclists.

You see, most cyclists have lost the fear. Riding a bike is not a scary activity. They have never fallen off a bike. They have never had an accident.

But I've done a lot of cycling in my life. From London to Barcelona. From Edinburgh to London. From Zurich to Nice. That's a lot of miles on the road.

I've done some stupid things on a bike. I've gone far too fast. I've had close shaves. And I've also seen some very bad crashes.

Crashes at 80km/h.

Crashes where skin, bone and tarmac have met abruptly.

Let me tell you. There's only one winner from that encounter.

Falling off a bike hurts. Things break. Sometimes they don't fully mend.

I've even fallen off whilst stationary at a red light (having forgotten to take my shoes out of their clips!).

And even that hurt. A lot.

A cyclist who has crashed or who has seen a close friend crash, is one of the safest, most competent riders you'll ever meet.

They have the experience.

They KNOW.

They don’t need to be told.

They don’t need new laws.

They don’t need fines or punishment to make them obey the road traffic laws.

They just know.

Experience is Everything

Nothing is more persuasive than what you’ve experienced firsthand.

You can read and study and have empathy. But you often have no clue what you’re willing to do, what you want, and how far you’re willing to go until you’ve seen something with your own eyes.

Jim Carrey once said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they've ever dreamed of, so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

Part of this is the same reason that predicting how you’ll respond to risk is difficult: It’s hard to imagine the full context until you experience it firsthand.

As my kids start to venture out into the world on their own, I like to think that they'll learn from all the mistakes I've made and profit from some of my better decisions.

But the next generation never learns anything from the previous one until it’s brought home with a hammer...they never do until they get knocked on the head by experience.

This won’t stop me shouting “Red light” at every Gen Z cyclist going straight through a red light weaving between pedestrians.

But I also know it won’t make any difference.

Stay safe. And keep your eyes open.

Jon "The Cyclist" Kaye