The empty next is here

It’s that time of life when some of the people living in your house start to leave.

Unfortunately it’s not always the ones you want to leave.

And look, it’s been 18 years. That’s long enough for me to teach her all I know about the world, isn’t it?

Let’s be honest, I could have done that in a few weeks or so. But she’s a slow learner. What can I say?

I know this isn’t the end. She’ll be back. For laundry. For decent coffee. For a comfy bed.

But it’s the start of the end.

And like a lot of you, I don’t know how I feel about that.

She’s more than capable of being independent. And I’ve no doubt she’ll thrive.

But will I? I’m not so sure.

I’m going to miss her.

I’m going to miss picking up her shoes from the hallway and moving them two and half feet to their proper place.

I’m going to miss collecting dirty plates and week old coffee from her bedroom where they’ve started to grow green alien life forms.

I’m going to miss staying up past my bedtime to let her back in to the house because she hasn’t taken her keys (again).

I’m going to miss teaching her to play pool. To drink beer. To make toast. Life skills. Important for university. Things only a father can teach.

But I’m also going to miss her stories.

Far too long and detailed for anyone other than her parents to bear. But we listen. Watching her practice her opinions.

At the time, they can be tough to follow. Too many characters I don’t really know. Too many plot twists to be real. But it is real life. Her life.

Delivered at the pace of a 2x YouTube video. Words spilling out almost too fast. Familiar words with new meanings, invented for the youth. Designed to make us feel old.

And I’m gonna miss her laughter. On those occasions when I manage to make her laugh, to giggle uncontrollably, they’re some of my favourite moments. Memories to treasure.

How will I keep up with Tik Tok trends now? (I don’t even have the app).

How will I know what all the latest memes are? She’s my source. She's my glimpse into the world of youth and what’s important these days.

She’s introduced me to her new favourite bands. And I’ve introduced her to some of mine.

I’ve been to gigs with her. Bursting out of a small sweaty room together, ears still ringing from the noise, exhausted from the sheer physicality of live music. The cold air and emotions hitting you as you get outside. I love that. Will I ever get to do that again? Maybe. But not with her.

There are lots of milestones we all go through with our children:

Going to secondary school
GCSEs
A Levels
Learning to drive
First boyfriend/girlfriend.
First hangover...

I won’t be there for them going forward. I’m going to miss out. And I get that. In a way I’m fine with that. It’s her life now.

But it’s the little things that are going to kill me. The insignificant rhythms of daily life. There aren’t any funny stories worth telling you.

But it's those moments when we giggle to something on her phone or spend a quiet moment together in the kitchen or listen to some great music in the car.

It’s those moments that I’ll miss the most.

Those won’t ever be the same again.

And that’s sad.

But mainly I’m excited for her.

I loved my time at uni. And she seems to be so excited to be going. To be starting a new chapter.

So my main emotion is joy. And hope. I really hope that it lives up to her expectations.

My advice to her and to lots of teenagers heading off to uni is to try really hard not to worry about what other people think. I realise that not one of them will be able to do this. But it’s worth trying.

I tell all my sports psych clients this too.

Most people don’t give a shit about you (sorry to break it to you).

Most people will hardly notice anything you’re doing.

And if they do, they won’t remember it.

So don’t go through your days stressing about what other people think.

Do what you want to do (within the bounds of decency and the law).

Act how you would want you to act.

Yes there are cameras everywhere so you need to be aware of that.

And two final pieces of advice for those Freshers' Week nights out:

Don’t increase the population
Don’t decrease the population

Have fun.

It can be the most amazing few years.

Enjoy every second.

I did.

But I don’t think it’ll be the same for me this time around.

Jon "Sad Face" Kaye